The Fellowship House
by Resisting Arrest
Summary: The Fellowship decides to buy a house and live together,but they soon find out that it isnt all it's cracked up to be.R/R!CHAPTER 16 IS UP.Contains mild and amateur slash.lol.
1. Sharing Showers

Fellowship House  
Chapter 1  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.  
  
----------  
  
"This was a pretty good idea." admitted Merry,as he set down a heavy box in the hall of the Fellowship's new house.  
  
"Yeah,now I can be annoying to you all at once!" said Pippin happily.  
  
Everyone was now in the huge house.They began arranging the bed rooms.  
  
"Leggo,you should share a room with Gimli." said Aragorn,looking into a large bedroom,with enough room for both the elf and the dwarf.  
  
"As long as he stays in HIS bed." mutter Legolas,glaring suspiously at Gimli.  
  
"Alright then.Gandalf,your room is at the end of the hall.Sam,yours is across from Legolas and Gimli and-"  
  
"What?!I don't get to share a room with Mr. Frodo?" exclaimed Sam,very disappointed.  
  
"Er...no." said Aragorn,seeing the pained expression on Frodo's face."Okay,where was I?Oh yeah.Pippin,you're upstairs,first room on the left.Merry,you're the second room on the left.Frodo and Boromir have the two rooms on the right.Mine's across from the kitchen."  
  
"Hey!I wanna be across from the food!" yelled Pippin.  
  
"Too bad." grumbled Gandalf,already heading to his room.  
  
The others went off to their rooms to unpack.A few hours later,after unpacking boxes for so long,Pippin,sweaty and tired,decided to take a nice shower.He went down stairs with only a towel around his waist and entered the bathroom closest to Gimli and Leggo's room.He entered and noticed the shower was already going.Being the Fool of a Took that he is,he thought that some very kind person had decided to turn the shower on for him.He pulled off the towel and stepped into the shower.  
  
"What?!Get out of here hobbit!" yelled a naked Legolas.  
  
"Sorry Legolas!" said Pippin.  
  
"I'm freakin naked!" yelled Legolas.  
  
"Well you don't have anything I haven't seen before!" retorted Pippin,but then he looked down." WHOA!"   
  
"GET OUT!" barked Legolas.  
  
So,following orders,Peregrin Took scrambled out of the shower and ran out naked.  
  
____  
endnotes: the first chapter's short and I'm sorry,I just wanted to test my idea.Thanks! 


	2. Discussion

Fellowship House  
Chapter 2  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
------  
  
Pippin streaked down the hall.Gandalf,who was sitting in the kitchen smoking his pipe,choked and nearly swallowed his rather large pipe.Aragorn,who was sitting across the table from Gandalf,rolled his eyes and groaned.  
  
"So that's what those yells were about." said Gandalf,wishing to have his eyes poked out.  
  
Merry came in with Frodo and Sam.Boromir was close behind.  
  
"Strider,we have to discuss this with you.When we agreed to move into the house,we weren't aware that Pippin would be turning it into a nudist colony." said Merry,jerking his thumb vaguely at the direction that Pippin had come from.  
  
"Yeah," said Boromir," but if he does that all the time we'll never have to buy food.We'll lose our appetites permanately."  
  
"We think that it may have scarred Sam for life." said Frodo,trying to soothe the shivering Sam.  
  
"I'm not going to talk to him.I'm a wizard,not a naturalist." said Gandalf.  
  
"I'm not going.I'm the king and I don't have to." said Aragorn,pouting.  
  
At that moment Legolas came storming it,clothed,thankfully.His face was very red and his wet hair was sticking out in all directions.Gimli followed him,hand over mouth,sniggering loudly.  
  
"That hobbit..." began Legolas,in a voice that was not anything like his usual calm one.  
  
"We know." sighed Aragorn.  
  
Just then Pippin came bounded down the stairs,also clothed.He stopped short when he saw the others and turned to go back upstairs.  
  
"No.....come here you Fool of a Took." said Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf grabbed Pippin's arm and led him outside.The others went to the window to watch.Gandalf said a few things and waved his staff wildly.Pippin nodded and came back inside.He sat on the couch looking very depressed.   
  
"What'd he tell you Pip?" asked Merry.He'd never seen Pippin like this.  
  
"He told me that Legolas was angry because he was freshening up for his date and I interrupted him." said Pippin.  
  
"What date?With who?" asked Merry.  
  
"Gimli." replied Peregrin.  
  
"Oh.Figures.But that can't be why you're so upset." Merry said.  
  
"Nah.Gandalf told me that if I ever do that again he'll make me go to Rivendell and I'll have to go around naked with Bilbo." said Pippin,eyes wide with horror.  
  
"Ew!He's over 111 years old.He'd be so saggy!" said Merry in disgust.  
  
"Don't remind me." said Pippin glumly. 


	3. Of Roasting Hobbits,and the toenail clip...

Fellowship House  
Chapter 3  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
------  
  
It was a peaceful morning at the Fellowship's house.Aragorn sat idly on the porch.It had been a whole day since anyone had argued and he was rather enjoying the calm.None of the others were awake yet,he guessed.  
  
But he guessed wrong.In Legolas and Gimli's room,a fight was going on.  
  
"GIMLI!What is this?!" asked Legolas,holding up a yellowish half-moon-shaped splinter.  
  
"Oh..that would be a toenail." said Gimli,examining it.  
  
"Why,may I ask,were you clipping your TOENAILS in my bed?" asked Legolas,trying to keep control.  
  
"Well,I didn't wanna do that in MY bed,obviously." explained Gimli.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
In Merry's room,Pippin and Merry sat around a small fire burning in a pail on the floor,roasting marshmallows and hotdogs.Suddenly there came a knock on the door.  
  
"Hey,guys,I think I smell something burning.Are you okay?" asked Boromir,coughing,from outside the door.  
  
"Uh,yeah we're fine!" yelled Merry quickly,as Pippin sniggered.  
  
"Can I come in then?" asked Boromir,suspious.He'd had enough experience with these two.  
  
"Uh,yeah,but hold on,I'm..uh..naked!Yeah,I'm naked!" said Pippin,thinking quickly.  
  
"Again?!" asked Boromir,incredulous.  
  
"Yeah.Boy,do I love to be naked." said Pippin,"Put out the fire." he added.speaking in an undertone to Merry.  
  
Merry moved to do so, but he tripped and fell,causing the pail to turn over.Soon,his pants and the carpet were on fire.  
  
"I'm on fire!" cried Merry,rolling.  
  
"You're naked AND on fire?" asked Boromir,mistaking him for Pippin.  
  
Genius that Boromir was,he had never checked to see if the door was even locked.He turned the knob and to his very great surprise,the door opened.The sight that met his eyes might have been humorous,if it hadn't been their new house.  
  
Merry was rolling around on the carpet,part of which was smouldering.Pippin was hopping on the burning carpet,and a mound of hot dogs and marshmallows large enough to feed a small army,lay forgotten.Boromir grabbed Merry and beat the fire down on his pants,burning himself in the process.He then knocked Pippin out of the way and stamped out the fire.  
  
"Whew!" said Boromir,wiping his forehead.  
  
"D'ya think Gandalf and Aragorn will notice?" asked Pippin,munching happily on a hot dog.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Ten minutes earlier,Gandalf got out of bed.He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when he heard wild yells from upstairs.He walked up to the second floor.  
  
"FOOL OF A TOOK!"  
  
______  
  
Endnotes: another short one.Thanks for all the great reviews! :D 


	4. Eavesdroppers

Fellowship House  
Chapter 4  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.Read The Adventures of Space Bobo Chapter 3 to understand this part.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.and thanks to rabbitears,for the favorites list :) .  
  
------  
  
The atmosphere at the house was not very pleasant.Everyone had been sulking for days.Well,ever since the day Bilbo Baggins had darkened their doorway.Pippin and Merry had nightmares about Bilbo ("ew..saggy..") and Gimli complained about having to share a room with Bilbo,and Aragorn had to put up with being called the 'sexy ranger'.Boromir had become extremely superstitious ever since Bilbo had called him the 'would-be dead-guy'.He was constantly knocking on wood and running away (shrieking like a girl) from black cats.Sam seemed to have an injured dignity and went around mumbling "I am not like that!" all day long.Gandalf seemed to be the only one without a problem.  
  
"Gandalf," said Bilbo one Thursday afternoon,"Do you think we could perhaps go visit some of my old friends from the Shire?"  
  
"Hm...Well,I suppose so,Bilbo.When would you like to leave?" said Gandalf.  
  
"Well,I think we should leave tomorrow." said Bilbo.  
  
"Alright.Go get packing."   
  
"Yes!" hissed Pippin to Merry,who were hiding behind the door.  
  
"Woohoo!" whispered Legolas to Gimli,Legolas hanging upside down from a tree outside the window,and Gimli stuffed very painfully into a bird house in the tree.  
  
"Get me out of here,elf!" yelled Gimli.  
  
"Hmm..I think you're stuck Gim." said Legolas,pulling on Gimli's beard."Let's go in the house and I'll get you out somehow."  
  
Legolas picked up the rather heavy birdhouse and hopped out of the tree.Merry and Pippin heard the back door open,and thinking it to be Gandalf and Bilbo,hurried to hide in the kitchen so they would not be caught eavesdropping.Pippin hid in a cabinet and Merry hid in the pantry.Neither of them could see what the others were doing so they had to rely on their hearing.  
  
Legolas entered the kitchen and opened the fridge.He pulled out a stick of butter and walked over to the birdhouse.  
  
"Well,Let's try the butter,Gimli.Maybe we can get you all slippery and you can slide out." said Legolas,unaware of the hobbits.  
  
The hobbits were very surprised and disgusted.They couldn't see that Gimli was wedged in a birdhouse,and hearing the words "butter","slippery",and "slide out" come from Legolas's mouth,they thought they were doing something else entirely.They had dirty minds,you see.  
  
"Well,okay.Put it on me." grunted the dwarf. "AHHHH!It's cold!"  
  
"It'll warm up." said Legolas.  
  
Then Legolas grabbed Gimli and tried to pull him out again.Of course,all the hobbits heard was alot of banging and grunting.  
  
"You're hurting me,stupid elf!" yelled Gimli.  
  
"Alright,let's try baby oil then." said Legolas,running to get it.  
  
At that moment Peregrin Took passed out and fell out of his hiding place.Merry heard the thud and opened the door a crack.Seeing Pippin motionless on the floor,Merry flung the door open,covered his eyes,and emerged.  
  
"Pervs!" yelled Merry.  
  
"Huh?" asked Gimli and Legolas.  
  
Merry opened his eyes. "Oh."  
  
He picked up Pippin and exited.Gandalf and Bilbo popped up from inside the living room.  
  
"Well,that's a relief." said Bilbo to Gandalf.  
  
"Is there no privacy in this house!?" asked Gimli.  
  
"No." said Sam and Frodo,hiding behind the fridge.  
  
"Not really." said Aragorn,from his hiding place behind the couch in the living room.  
  
"Nope." said Boromir,emerging from the laundry room.  
  
~_~_~_~_~_~_~  
  
Endnotes: Not very funny,but I had fun with it.R/R and thanks! 


	5. Legolas,What are you thinking letting th...

Fellowship House  
Chapter 5 (Who da thought!?)   
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.Read The Adventures of Space Bobo Chapter 3 + 4 to understand this part.This chapter's a little cliche I know,but hey,maybe something will be faintly amusing.This chapter is the longest so far.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
------  
  
"Hmmm.Gandalf thought of everything.I'm sure there's a loop-hole somewhere though." said Merry,scanning the list Gandalf had left with then.  
  
"I hope so.I'd hate to waste an entire week of anarchy by behaving." said Pippin,munching on Vanilla Wafers.  
  
"Stop hogging,Peregrin." said Legolas."I want some too.These remind me of lembas."  
  
"Just like dear Haldir used to make." said Pippin,batting his eyelashes.That earned him a punch in the arm from the elf.  
  
"Rule 231. Absolutely no disposal of radio active waste down toilet." muttered Merry,still reading.  
  
"I never did that before!" cried Pippin indignantly.  
  
"Yes,we did actually.At one of my birthday parties.We dumped the cake Gandalf made down the toilet." Merry reminded him.  
  
"Oh yeah." said Pippin.  
  
"You hobbits actually threw away a CAKE?" asked Legolas.  
  
"It was green and smelled of Auntie's cat." said Pippin. "The cat actually jumped out when the cake hit the toilet."  
  
"AHA!Here it is: rule 345 No invitation of friends except when authorized by elders (i.e. Legolas,Aragorn,Gimli,or Boromir. Merry is not considered your elder.)"  
  
The two hobbits looked expectantly at Legolas.  
  
"Merry,I have an idea." said Pippin.  
  
"Me too." said Merry.  
  
"OHHH NO.You two are NOT going to do anything." said Legolas.  
  
"C'mon Leggo,there's something in it for you." said Pippin.  
  
"What?" asked Legolas.  
  
"You could invite Haldir and some other elves.." said Merry.  
  
"No way.They'd tear the house down."  
  
"We just wanna invite a few people.Geez,you're getting up in years.Soon you'll be as boring as Gandalf."  
  
"Ahhh.I looked forward to the happy time when I am allowed to chase hobbits around with a stick that spouts fire." Legolas said,smiling.  
  
"Don't we all." said Aragorn from the hall.  
  
"Shut up sexy ranger." said Pippin.  
  
"I wish girls would say that instead of a wrinkly hobbit and an annoying hobbit." said Aragorn,putting on his boots.  
  
"Where are you going,Strider?" asked Merry.  
  
"To visit Arwen." said Aragorn.  
  
"Oh great.We don't wanna keep you." said Pippin,grinning.  
  
"Keep an eye on them,okay Legolas?" said Aragorn.  
  
"Sure thing." said Legolas.  
  
"Hurry up,Gimli." yelled Aragorn.  
  
"Keep your pants on." grumbled Gimli. "I can't find my axe."  
  
"Is it in the birdhouse?" asked Pippin.  
  
"No." grunted Gimli.  
  
A few minutes later,Gimli and Aragorn departed.Pippin grabbed the empty bag of Vanilla Wafers and looked at it.  
  
"You know," said Pippin slyly to Legolas,"If you DID let us have people over,a party as one might call it,Haldir could come and bring you all the lembas you want."  
  
"That's okay,Pippin." said Legolas.  
  
"But we're out of Wafers!" exclaimed Pip,looking like a 10 year old.  
  
Legolas eyed the empty bagof Vanilla Wafers for a moment before sighing. "Alright.But you guys gotta help clean up."   
  
"Yes!" both hobbits cried,slapping high fives.  
  
Pippin leaned over quickly and hugged Legolas. "Thanks Leggo.But don't get any ideas.I'm not like Sam."  
  
He hopped off the couch and picked up the phone.He tossed it to Leggo. "Here,call your elves.Me and Merry will go upstairs to decide who to invite."  
  
Merry and Pippin ran upstairs.Merry found a pen and paper and began taking notes.  
  
"Let's see...Faramir,Eowyn,Tom,not Arwen,because Aragorn is over there.Elrond,Celeborn,Galadriel..." said Pippin.  
  
"Not Farmer Maggot!How about Rosie Cotton?"   
  
"Sure,It'll keep Sam from hanging on Frodo all night."  
  
----  
  
  
"Hey,Haldir,Can you come over here tonight?The hobbits are having a party.Yeah,bring them too.And bring Lembas please..you wouldn't believe the crap they eat here...yeah." said Legolas,on the phone.  
  
Merry came downstairs to wait for Legolas to finish with the phone.  
  
"Here you go." said Legolas,handing him the phone.  
  
"Thanks again,Leggo." said Merry,running upstairs.  
  
Once upstairs,Merry grabbed his list and pen.Pippin grabbed a phone book and called out phone numbers for the people on their list.  
  
"Hi..Elrond..Hey..we're having a party here tonight,you wanna come?Yeah,but don't tell Aragorn or Arwen..Can you call Celeborn and Galadriel for us?Yeah,that's great,thanks." said Pippin into the phone.  
  
"Okay,so he's coming.Cross out Galadriel and Celeborn and Elrond.Next is Faramir and Eowyn."  
  
Pippin did the same thing this time,but instead asked Eowyn to call Eomer.This process was repeated many times until finally everyone was invited.  
  
"How much money do you have,Pip?" asked Merry."We have to buy food."  
  
"Well,Galadriel,Elrond,Eowyn,Tom,and Radagast are bringing things." said Pippin.  
  
"Okay.Well,I'll run down to Middle-Earth Mart for a few things." said Merry.  
  
"Okay." said Pippin,handing him some money.  
  
As Merry went downstairs again,Frodo poked his head out of his room.  
  
"What's all this running up and down the stairs?" he asked.  
  
"Party Preparations." replied Pippin.  
  
"Oh,Alr-Wait,what party?" asked Frodo.  
  
"You'll see." said Pippin.  
  
"Haldir's coming with his brothers and a few other elves." said Legolas.  
  
"WHAT PARTY!" yelled Frodo.  
  
----  
  
Endnotes:Expect the next chapter later today or tomorrow!I have so many plans for it.Questions,Comments?Review then!I hope someone got a laugh out of it.Not my best work. 


	6. Hey,Pippin we're stars

Fellowship House  
Chapter 6   
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.Read The Adventures of Space Bobo Chapter 3 + 4 to understand this part.This chapter's a little cliche I know,but hey,maybe something will be faintly amusing.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
------  
"The party we're having tonight.Also know as the party you are NOT going to call Gandalf about." replied Pippin.  
  
"Legolas Greenleaf,I cannot believe you are agreeing to this." said Frodo.  
  
"C'mon,live a little." said Legolas.  
  
"Yeah,and don't dress like a dork.Everyone had to like you before because you were the ring-bearer.But now there's no ring,so don't embarass us." said Pippin briskly.  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rang.  
  
"They can't be here yet.I told them 8:00." said Pippin,sliding down the banister.  
  
He opened the door and there was Merry,ringing the doorbell with his nose.He carried two large bags,and was panting.Pippin grabbed one of the bags and pulled Merry in.  
  
"It's a good thing I'm tall for a hobbit!" said Merry.  
  
Pippin dug through the bag.  
  
"Jellybeans..yum..ew..soy milk..why?" said Pippin.  
  
"Gimli." explained Merry.  
  
The two went into the kitchen and began putting things away.When they had finished setting out the food,it was 6:45.Merry took off to take a shower,and Pippin went upstairs to see how Frodo was faring.After knocking on the door,he entered.  
  
"How do I look Pip?" asked Frodo.  
  
Pippin sniggered. "Like you're going to a funeral.Lose the suit."   
  
Pippin went to his room and changed his clothes.He then decided to visit Boromir.He'd been oddly quiet all day.  
  
"Boromir?" asked Pippin,entering."Ohhhhhhh...I get it.."  
  
He picked up a bottle of beer off of his bedside table.There had to be more of,Boromir was a big guy,and he was out cold.  
  
Well,Pippin was right,there was more,but Boromir had drank it all.Oh well.  
  
Pippin went down stairs to check the clock.7:15.He sorted through some cds and checked his watch again. 7:17..this was no good.Just then,Legolas came downstairs.  
  
"Pippin,about how many people did you invite?"   
  
"Well,I don't know..." said Pippin,hiding his unease.  
  
"Well,I hope it isn't too many." said Legolas.  
  
Finally,it was 8:00 and the doorbell began ringing.First to arrive was Radagast the Brown.He entered,carrying a box of a fish food,a bird on either of his shoulders.  
  
"I brought food." he announced proudly.  
  
"Yeah..it's great." Said Pippin,taking the fishfood.Radagast was watching him intently,so,not knowing what else to do,he poured some of the fishfood over the chips and into the dip,as if it was seasoning.  
  
Within 30 minutes,at least 20 people had arrived.Legolas surveryed the crowd which now included Eowyn,Faramir,Eomer,Rosie Cotton and her brothers,and serveral members of the Took clan.  
  
"This isn't too many.I thought you had invited more." he said,satisfied.  
  
Pippin didn't correct him.The doorbell rang again and Pippin hurried to answer it.Haldir,his brothers,Tom Bombadil,and Goldberry stood there.  
  
"Hey,it's Tom Bombadill-o,come to make this party merry-o!Can we come in,what's the dillyo?" sang Tom,very loudly.  
  
"Where is Legolas?" asked Haldir.  
  
"YRCH!" yelled one of his companions,pointing at a very drunk Boromir.  
  
"Boromir!You're here!" cried Faramir.  
  
In response,Boromir threw up on him.  
  
Soon,there were close to 200 people there,some of them Pippin didn't know,all of them dancing,and most of them drunk.Pippin was dancing with some elf he didn't know when suddenly the doorbell rang.Pippin ran off to answer it.He opened the door and there stood a newscrew.  
  
"Hello,I'm from channel 30 news,the leading news source of Middle-Earth.Could we possibly get some footage of the party?" a tall news-elf asked.  
  
He ushered them in,clearly not using his head.The camera scanned the big house,full of strange people,drunk,passed out,talking,singing,drinking,eating and dancing.The news-elf stepped in front of the camera and began commentary.  
  
Legolas fought his way over to where the news-elf spoke to the camera and Pippin stared dumbly into it.  
  
"We have here exclusive footage of the biggest house-party this area's ever seen.All thanks to this young hobbit." she said,placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"PIPPIN!Are you crazy?Gandalf or Aragorn could see this." said Legolas,shaking Pippin.  
  
Elrond came up behind them and yelled "Narly dudes!" and flipped off the camera.  
  
Drunken Boromir passed by and threw up again.  
  
"C'mon Leggo,this isn't Broadcast in the Shire!" said Pippin,laughing.  
  
---2 hours later---  
  
Elrond,dizzy and tired of dancing,turns on the TV.Channel 30 news comes on and there they all are,on the TV.  
  
"Hey Pippin,we're stars!" he yelled pointing to the TV.  
  
---In Rivendell---  
  
Arwen and Aragorn are making out in front of the TV,which is turned off.Her brother Elladan runs in without knocking.  
  
"ARWEN,TURN ON THE TV!" said Elladan,frantically."Dad's on TV!"  
  
Arwen sighed and turned it on.There,on the TV screen was the drunked form of Elrond.  
  
"Narly dudes!" slurred Elrond,flipping them off.  
  
But what Aragorn noticed was Legolas and Pippin argueing.  
  
"That is my damn house!!!!"  
  
"I wasn't invited." whimpered Elladan.  
  
"Everyone knows you're a loser,Elladan." replied Arwen.  
  
---In the Shire---  
  
Bilbo and Gandalf had decided to stay at Paladin's home.They were in the company room,still talking when a maid rushed in.  
  
"Mr. Paladin!" she cried. "Your son is on TV!"  
  
Gandalf turned on the TV and saw exactly what Aragorn had seen.  
  
"!&@!^@^^!@^!" yelled Gandalf."DAMN YOU PEREGRIN!"  
  
"&@@&*@!" yelled Pippin and Legolas,as the News-elf said that 'Channel 30 news was the news source for The Shrire,Rivendell,Mirkwood,and the surrounding areas.  
  
-----  
Endnotes:Sorry,Not funny,but fun to write.:D r.r no flames. 


	7. Elrond,stay away from the phone,and Hald...

Fellowship House  
Chapter 7  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.Read The Adventures of Space Bobo Chapter 3 + 4 to understand this part.This chapter's a little cliche I know,but hey,maybe something will be faintly amusing.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
-----  
  
"Oh..my..land.." said Legolas,staring at the TV.  
  
"Stay calm.Let's just hope no one had their TV s on." said Pippin,wringing his hands.  
  
Suddenly the phone rang.  
  
"You get it,you're older." said Pippin.  
  
"You get it,you're shorter." said Legolas.  
  
"No,you get it,you're....elfier." said Pippin.  
  
"YOU GET IT,YOU'RE STUPIDER!" said Legolas.  
  
"HEY!" cried Pippin.  
  
The problem was solved however,as Boromir picked up the phone,holding the reciever upside down.  
  
"Hewwo?" said Boromir,confused.  
  
"&@&@(!!!! what the @^^@#@ were you thinking,#@^#*@!" said Gandalf's voice from the phone.  
  
"It's fer you.." said Boromir,looking at Pippin."Now,which one of you 4 is the REAL Pippin?"  
  
He held the phone out to an invisible Pippin and let it go.The phone hit the floor with a thud.Gandalf continued to rant and rave.Pippin picked it up carefully and tossed it into the garbage bin.  
  
"Are you listening to me you little @*@#@!)#?" yelled Gandalf,from the trash bin.  
  
Elrond swaggered over to the trash bin.  
  
"Hello?Is this the phone sex hotline?" said Elrond,a grin on his face.  
  
  
"What the heck?" said Gandalf,clearly not expecting that.  
  
"Hey,put a girl on the line,I don't like old guys!" said Elrond,rubbing his forehead.  
  
"Put it on speaker-phone!" yelled Celeborn,earning himself a smack from Galadriel.  
  
"It is not phone sex!" yelled Legolas.  
  
"Wow..Legolas,you HAVE changed." said Haldir,giggling.  
  
"Yeah,is it true what they say about you and Aragorn?" asked one of the other elves.  
  
"Is it true you like to dress in drag,Lindir?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Well,um..erm.." said Lindir.  
  
"Yes!He does!" cried Haldir,standing up."And he walks around like this."   
  
Haldir pranced around the room and curtsied.Lindir got angry and tackled him.  
  
"Fight fight!" yelled Elrond and Celeborn.  
  
"Woo hoo! Strippers!" yelled Galadriel and a few other female elves.  
  
"Ew.." said Merry.  
  
"Go Haldir,kick his cross-dressing butt!" yelled another elf,taking a swig of beer.  
  
"I hope the girl wins." Boromir said,squinting at them.  
  
Silence fell in the house.The two elves tackled Boromir.  
  
"Kill the Orc" chanted the elves.  
  
"Stop it!" yelled Legolas,pulling Haldir off of Boromir,and kicking Lindir off as well.  
  
"More phone sex!" yelled Elrond.  
  
"Horny old elf." said one of Pippin's cousins.  
  
"Where's Sam?" said Merry.  
  
"In the broomcloset." Pippin replied.  
  
"WITH FRODO!?"   
  
"No,moron,with Rosie Cotton." said Pippin.  
  
The phone rang again.There was a mad dash for the phone.Elrond beat everyone and answered.  
  
"Yo,Elrond's bar and grill!"   
  
"Dad?" asked Arwen.  
  
"Who is this?I am sex king elrond!Excuse me,I'm wanted in the hottub." said Elrond.  
  
Elrond fell down and Legolas went to move him.He passed a very drunken Galadriel.  
  
"Take it off!Woo!" yelled Galadriel.  
  
Legolas tried to ignore her.He passed by her again,carrying the unconcious Elrond.Galadriel hooted and grabbed his butt.Legolas,startled,promptly dropped Elrond.  
  
"Take it off,sonny!" yelled Galadriel,trying to stuff some money in his leggings.  
  
"What?!" said Legolas.  
  
"I'll do it.It's good money!" said Haldir,beginning to take off his belt.  
  
----  
Endnotes: Too much fun to write.Please review. 


	8. Oh where is my hair-brush?!

Fellowship House  
Chapter 8  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
------  
  
Boromir handed a bottle to Legolas."Here,you won't remember a thing."  
  
Boromir was of course referring to the stripping Haldir,unconcious Elrond,and the fact that their party had been broadcast to Aragorn and Gandalf.  
  
"Where did you get this,Boromir?" asked Legolas,studying the bottle.  
  
"Oh,I got a stash of 'em." said Boromir,grinning toothily.  
  
"Well,I guess." said Legolas,opening it.  
  
He took a swig and shook his head violently.Then he shrugged and finished the bottle off.By that time he was slumped over in his chair.  
  
"Whoa..good stuff..." said Legolas.  
  
"Told ya." said Boromir.  
  
"Hey,Legolas,where's the-" said Haldir,but then he stopped.He peered closely at Legolas and saw his eyes looking rather odd.Then he saw the bottled hanging out of one limp hand.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Frodo,walking up.  
  
"Nothing." said Boromir,grabbing the bottle quickly and hiding it behind his back.  
  
"You sure?" asked Frodo,in disbelief."Pippin told me that Legolas looked funny."  
  
"He's fine." Haldir assured him.  
  
"Well,okay then." said Frodo,walking away.  
  
Haldir slapped Legolas. "Wake up!"  
  
"I thought you were naked,Haldir." said Legolas,staring at him.  
  
"No,but look how much money I got." Haldir replied,showing him a small fortune.  
  
"I know how to make even more money." said Eowyn,walking up.  
  
"How?" asked Boromir.  
  
---ten minutes later---  
  
Legolas was slumped over on the couch,finishing his second bottle of the beer Boromir had given him.  
  
"Y'know whut?You guys ar' th' greatestest!" slurred Legolas,looking around.  
  
"Yah,we know." replied Haldir with a grin.  
  
Eowyn sat down next to Legolas. "You would look great with a little hair cut,Legolas."  
  
"Reallyy?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Yep," replied Eowyn," and I know just the person to do it."  
  
---half an hour later---  
  
"How much would you like chopped off?" asked the barber,scissors in hand.  
  
"Um...4 inches." replied Legolas.  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Wait,Legolas,you'd look great with-"  
  
"Aw heck,I wanna be like Steve on Jerry Springer!Shave my head!" cried Legolas.  
  
"Alright,you're the boss." replied the barber.  
  
"Hehehe.This is too great." whispered Haldir to Eowyn.  
  
"I still don't understand how we'll make money off this." said Boromir.  
  
Eowyn handed him a magic marker and a poster. "Write this down,Boromir."  
  
---1 hour later---  
  
Boromir stands at the door,a money box in hand." That's right only $2.00 admission!"  
  
Faramir stands in the front yard,waving a sign that says 'Middle-Earth's 8th Wonder-The Amazing Bald Elf.Admission $2.00'  
  
A long line stands in front of the house,all waving money.Gales of laughter echo from inside the house.  
  
"Oh no!" cried some random girl." Where's his beautiful hair?!"   
  
"Right here. $5.00 a lock." called Eowyn.  
  
Soon there was another long line exiting the back door,buying bits of his hair.  
  
Suddenly,Legolas jumped up.It seems elves do not stay drunk for long.  
  
"What the heck?" he asked,looking around.But what surprised him the most was house cold his head felt.He reached up to feel his hair,and he found none.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" he cried,just as Bilbo and Gandalf came roaring up the driveway.  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Endnotes: Eh,sorry.Had to do that.  
  
Sidenote: AJ Matthews,I love the 'First Meeting' fic.You should do another like that.It was great. 


	9. Karaoke hobbits

Fellowship House  
Chapter 9  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.Oh yeah,I don't own Souldecision or their song 'Faded' so don't sue me.I don't own Mystikal,copyrights to their song or anything else.No infringement intended.I also do not own Michael Jackson's dance moves.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
-_-_-_-_-  
  
When we last left our heroes,Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood had just discovered that he had become like Steve on Jerry Springer and people were buying pieces of his hair.Gandalf and Bilbo had returned from the Shire and were coming up the driveway.This is where we return to the story,but this time we shall focus on Samwise and Frodo.  
  
-_-_-_-_-  
  
The door to Frodo's room opened quickly and some hobbit-maidens and a few elf-maidens came in.Sam stood at the door and admitted them.Frodo stood on his dresser singing loudly.  
  
"Girl can do what we did last night again,baby you and I would be better friends!" yelled Frodo,singing along with the CD player,trying to dance.  
  
Sam stood at the door moping. All the hobbits-maids stared lovingly at Frodo.The elves laughed.  
  
"I'm kinda faded but I feel alright,thinkin bout makin my move tonight!I can't pretend that you're only my friend when you're holdin my body tight!" screamed Frodo again and tripped over a hairbrush.The hobbit fell off the dresser.The elves laughed harder.Rosie Cotton looked at Sam.  
  
"Sing for us Sam!" she yelled at him.  
  
The elves looked rather threatening so Sam went over to the CD player.He pressed a button,not really knowing what to do.Mystikal began to play.  
  
"Shake it fast!Watch yourself!" yelled Mystikal.Sam stared.  
  
"Show me what you workin with,shake it fast!" said Sam finally,trying to thrust like Michael Jackson.  
  
"Go Sam!" yelled Rosie.  
  
The elves didn't like it much though.They turned rather green and left.Saam didn't care however.He continued to shake it fast.  
  
Frodo finally came to and saw Sam dancing on his dresser.He couldn't have that.  
  
He got up as well and began to moonwalk.Then he realized what was playing and he changed it.Faded came back on.Merry opened the door and saw him.  
  
"When I get you all alone I'm gonna move in nice and close.Ain't nobody gonna interrupt my game." sang Frodo,moonwalking again.  
  
"I can't wait to take you home!" sang Merry,making all the hobbits look at him.Soon it was a competetion between the three hobbits.  
  
"I like the way you're making your move I like the way you makin me wait." sang Sam.  
  
Frodo got angry.This was his song after all.He pushed Sam.Sam fell on the floor and half the hobbits had to run to avoid being crushed.Frodo threw a book at him.Merry continued singing.As Frodo continued throwing objects at the hobbit.The other hobbits continued to run around in circles crazily.  
  
Downstairs the music from Frodo's room could be heard,as well as shrieks and thudding noises.The light that hung from the ceiling in the dining room swung dangerously.Gandalf looked as if he were going to explode.He ran to the stairs,but before he made it,the light from the cieling fell out of its former location and smacked him on the head.Broken glass littered the floor and Gandalf lay unconcious.  
  
"We need to take this time to get as far away as possible." whispered Pippin,his eyes big as saucers.  
  
Bilbo was not a major threat right now because he was dancing on top of the TV.But when Gandalf woke up,all hell would break loose.  
  
---  
  
Endnotes: There's the Sam and Frodo chapter!Sorry about the lack of them!Review please! 


	10. Was that YOU on the phone sex hotline,Ce...

Fellowship House  
Chapter 10  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.I don't own BSB's version of 'I want it that way',or Weird Al Yankovic's so don't sue me.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.I don't have anything against gay people or anything,I just heard this song and it made me laugh so hard.So no offense to anyone or anything like that.This ties in with the story of Lindir.I changed some words,but some remain the same.  
  
-_-_-_-_-  
  
Meanwhile,in the living room,(where Bilbo was still dancing on the TV) the elves and dwarves were having a battle of sorts.Someone had brought a real Karaoke machine(poor Sam,Frodo,and Merry!If only they knew) and they were arguing over it.I changed some words,but some remain the same.  
  
"It's my turn!" said Haldir impatiently.  
  
"It's MY turn!" said Gloin,elbowing Haldir.  
  
"Wrong!" said Lindir,glaring at three dwarves behind him.  
  
In the commotion,one sly dwarf slipped over to the karaoke machine.He pushed a button and handed the microphone to a drunken Haldir.Suddenly all-too-familiar music came on,and Haldir began to sing.  
  
"We are on fire  
We have desires  
But 1 is that way  
1 elf is gay!"  
  
Haldir bellowed that into a microphone.The elves stood there shocked.The dwarves laughed loudly.But no one stopped him.He started again.  
  
"But we don't want to be mean  
Since now he's a queen (like Galadriel)  
Don't ask please  
Which elf is gay!" cried Haldir,doing a little dance.  
  
Pippin laughed loudly in the next room.Legolas looked faintly amused.Gloin the dwarf got punched by Lindir.Galadriel looked murderous,as she had just paid this same elf (who insulted her) to dance.  
  
"Tell me who  
Ain't sayin that it's Celeborn  
Tell me who  
Ain't sayin that it's Leggo  
Tell me who  
I never wanna hear you say  
Which elf is gay!"   
  
Celeborn looked stricken.Galadriel stared at him,a whole new reason to be shocked.Leggo growled threateningly,his amusement gone.Pippin laughed louder than ever,seeing everyone's faces.  
  
"Now I can see him  
He's in women's clothes  
But he don't need an ID  
He likes his long hair  
He's playin croquet  
His dog's name is precious"  
  
"I do not have a dog named Precious!" yelled Celeborn.  
  
"Was that YOU on the phone sex hotline,Celeborn?" asked Elrond,looking at him hard.  
  
"He is on fire  
His back perspires  
Won't say won't say won't say ok  
  
Elrond's always sayin  
Ain't nothing but a buttache  
Ain't nothin but a fruitcake  
I never wanna hear you say  
Which 1 of us is gay"  
  
Elrond froze.Fruitcake?  
  
"Tell me who  
Ain't sayin that it's Lindir  
Tell me who  
Ain't sayin if you're Elrond (he's the sex king ;)  
Tell me who  
He's picking up a soufflé  
Which elf is gay  
  
Ok it's Lindir!" finished Haldir.  
  
The dwarves cheered.Lindir moved forward,looking very dangerous.Haldir shrieked like a girl and leapt away.Elrond gave Celeborn a sideways glance.He was convinced he had been the man on the phone!  
  
Gandalf finally came to.He got up and rubbed his head.The first person he saw was Pippin.He advanced on him menacingly.Pippin thought quickly.  
  
"Gandalf,the elves are fighting in the living room!" yelled Pippin.  
  
~_~_~_~_~  
  
Endnotes: *shamesless plug* Read 'The elves chatroom' by Hitari.I play some of the characters!Thanks for reading!Now review! 


	11. Attack of the signs/'I Lost My Fro in Mo...

Fellowship House  
Chapter 11(I'm on a roll?)  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
-_-_-_-_-  
  
Gandalf turned away from Pippin and saw poor unfortunate Haldir being chased by the extremely angry Lindir.As he turned away from Legolas and Pippin,Sam(who had just come downstairs) spotted a strip of paper of his back.  
  
" 'I lost my fro in Moria.' ?!" said Sam,reading the paper on Gandalf's back."Pippin,did you do that when he was passed out?"  
  
"Heheheheeh...fro..hehehe" said Pippin,giggling rather girlishly.  
  
"Fro?" asked Legolas.  
  
"Who's calling me?" asked Frodo,also coming downstairs.  
  
"Not Frodo,FRO!" replied Legolas.  
  
Sam pointed at Gandalf running wildly around the living room.  
  
"What fro?" asked Frodo,turning to look.Sam also spotted the paper on his back.  
  
" 'You can clip my hedges anytime,Sam' ?" read Legolas,off the paper on Frodo's back.  
  
"What?!" asked Sam.  
  
"How did you do that?" asked Legolas,staring at Pippin,then spinning around in vain to see if he also sported a paper sign.  
  
Pippin continued laughing.Legolas did in fact have a sign on his back.  
  
'Celeborn owns my body' the sign read.  
  
Frodo spotted it first.In the midst of his laughter,Elrond came in.  
  
"You have a paper on your back.." he said,ripping it off.He read it then dropped it.It floated lazily through the air.  
  
"What a PERVERT!I'm renouncing my title." said Elrond.He walked into the living room and brought Celeborn out.  
  
"Long live the NEW sex king!" said Elrond.  
  
"Stop insulting me!Everyone knows you visit the salon and have your forehead waxed!" said Celeborn,angry at being named the new sex king by an elf who looked like a steam roller had attacked his forehead.  
  
Apparently not everyone knew this.Several elves gasped and Galadriel fainted dead away.Boromir entered from the other room.  
  
"Legolas,I got you a hat to cover up your large bald head." he said,brandishing a purple dufflebag.  
  
"That's not a hat." said Sam.  
  
"I know.But it's the only thing that fit his head.By the way,do you put Vaseline on it?It's SHINY!" said Boromir.  
  
In response to this a very embarassed Legolas crammed the bag onto his head and zipped it up halfway.  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Endnotes: Sorry,I was just sitting here thinking 'I lost my fro in Moria' and this is what happened.No flames please! 


	12. Punishment/Elrond and Pippin's job

Fellowship House  
Chapter 12  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.I do not own Sisqo or Thong song.No infringement intended.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
-_-_-_-_-  
  
When we last left our heroes they were in the midst of a rowdy party.This was soon to come to an end.Gandalf raised his staff and lightning shot from it.Silence fell in the house.Pippin gasped and tried to hide.  
  
"I want everyone out of here!" he boomed.  
  
Every elf,dwarf,hobbit,and human ran for the exits,including Pippin and Legolas.  
  
'Freeze,Fool of a Took!" bellowed Gandalf.  
  
Pippin obeyed,as did Leggo.  
  
The rest of the people nearly killed themselves in their eagerness to escape.Gandalf turned to the remaining hobbits and Legolas.  
  
"I saw you on the news." he said,in a deadly quiet voice.Pippin gulped.  
  
Bilbo came trotting in from the next room. "Hello lads!What's going on?"  
  
Gandalf gave him a murderous look.Bilbo didn't notice.  
  
"Are you gonna punish us,Gandalf?" asked Pippin in a small voice.  
  
~_~_~_~ Two Weeks Later~_~_~_~  
  
"Dude,wizards sure can hold a grudge!" said Elrond,brandishing a toilet brush.  
  
"I can't believe he made you stay here indefinitely as a slave." remarked Merry.  
  
"Well,he kind of gave the elves a bad name with the whole 'sex king Elrond' thing." said Frodo,rolling his eyes.  
  
Frodo,Sam,Merry,and Pippin were cleaning the upstairs bathroom.It had not been a pleasant afternoon,as Boromir had been sick in there.Gandalf came in.He looked quite amused with the scene.  
  
"Nearly done?" he asked,looking around.  
  
"Gandalf,that was cruel!" said Pippin.  
  
"Pippin,you nearly destroyed the house and got on the news!" exclaimed Gandalf.  
  
"Stupid Wizard..." muttered Pippin.  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Later that night,Pippin was up in his room.He felt restless.  
  
"Must do something.......something...juvenile..." said Pippin,drumming his fingers on his desk.Suddenly,his eyes strayed to the stack of mail that Sam had brought to him.He looked through it.A bright blue flyer caught his eye.  
  
'Dating Service' it read.Suddenly an evil grin lit up his face.  
  
He bolted down the hall and knocked on Elrond's bedroom door.  
  
"What?" asked Elrond.  
  
"I have an idea." said Pippin,going into the room.  
  
~_~_~ 3 days later~_~_~  
  
The phone rang.A great thundering upstairs was heard and Elrond came charging down the stairs.At the same time,Pippin came running in from the kitchen.  
  
"Hello,Middle-Earth Dating Service!" chirped Pippin.   
  
"Um..hello." said a male voice uncertainly.  
  
"Yes,how may I help you,sir?" asked Pippin.  
  
"I...um..er...I need a date." said the voice.  
  
"Right.I need some information from you!" said Pippin. "Age?"  
  
"Er...1023.."   
  
"Ah!An elf! Physical appearance?" said Pippin,writing it down.  
  
"Long hair,tall,thin." said the voice.  
  
"Kind of general...but that's okay." said Pippin. "Are you seeking a male or a female?"   
  
"Female."  
  
"Okay.I'll return your call tomorrow!Phone number?"   
  
"1-800-343-2243."  
  
"thank you!"  
  
~_~_~_~The next day~_~_~_~  
  
Again the phone rang.This time Elrond answered.  
  
"Hello,Middle-Earth Dating Service." said he.  
  
"Oh..wow!Is this sex king Elrond?" a female voice squealed.  
  
"As a matter of fact,I am him." purred Elrond. (*grin*)  
  
Elrond took down her information and gave her the man's phone number.The two set up a date for the next day at 8:00.Pippin came home later and found out.  
  
"Elrond,we should go and see who they are!They could be people we know!" said Pippin.  
  
"I'm down with that!" said Elrond.  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Endnotes: Who are the lucky couple?Find out next time.heehehe.Review please,no flames! 


	13. Remember Elrond,a tiara is not masculine

Fellowship House  
Chapter 12  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D.  
  
----  
  
Pippin knocked on Elrond's door.A muffled sound came from within.Pippin pushed the door open.  
  
"Hey!" muttered Elrond,as best he could,as his mouth was quite full.  
  
"Elrond!We have to leave in ten minutes!What are you doing in here wolfing down donuts?" said Pippin,waving the (empty) donut box.  
  
Elrond hung his head. "I was feeling bad.I needed comfort food."  
  
"What happened this time?" asked Pippin,exasperated.  
  
"Gandalf took my tiara." mumbled Elrond.  
  
"What have I told you about calling it a tiara?" sighed Pippin.  
  
" A tiara is not masculine." recited Elrond.  
  
"That's right.Besides,your head looks much smaller without it."  
  
----  
  
"Are you sure this is the place?" whispered Pippin.  
  
"Yep." said Elrond,checking the paper he held.  
  
Suddenly,a tall man appeared.A man that was quite familiar to Pippin.  
  
"Saruman!" screeched Pippin.  
  
Saruman quickly turned around to see who had called him.Elrond grabbed Pippin and dove behind a garbage can.  
  
"He lied about his age!" exclaimed Pippin.  
  
Elrond did not reply to this.He had seen something that made his jaw drop with horror.  
  
Celeborn (or an elf who looked remarkably like Celeborn,only in drag) pranced up the street.  
  
"Are my eyes decieving me?" asked Pippin,rubbing his eyes furiously.  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
"Hey,wait,he's your father-in-law!You should know this!Does he have any sisters?"  
  
"No."   
  
The two turned their attention back to the couple.  
  
"Hello,handsome." said Celeborn,fluttering his eyelashes.  
  
"Helllo." said Saruman,looking very interested indeed.  
  
----  
  
Endnotes: sorry it's so short and stupid!More later!Hope you liked! 


	14. ...You bastard!You ate my cheese nips! *...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Fellowship House  
Chapter 14(Continuity is a Nightmare)  
by Resisting Arrest  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.Oh..if anyone wants to do me a favor..go here and read the journals of Haldir and Legolas   
  
ujournal.org/~haldir  
ujournal.org/~legolasg  
  
I apologize in advance for the slash scene.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.Thanks to all the great reviewers :D  
  
------  
  
Pippin and Elrond stared at the two men in absolute horror.Elrond doubled over and grabbed his stomach,as if in much pain.  
  
"Elrond!What's wrong?" asked Pippin,bending over him.  
  
"Dude,I haven't felt this sick since I ate all of your Cheese Nips." replied Elrond.  
  
'Yeah,me too--Wait,you ate my Cheese Nips?" asked Pippin,freezing.  
  
"Uh.." Elrond tried to think quickly,but of course we all know that this is futile.  
  
"I love your hands." said Celeborn,stroking Saruman's nicely manicured fingernails.  
  
"You bastard!" Pippin tackled Elrond,knocking over several garbage cans.  
  
"Thank yo--Did you hear that?" said Saruman,looking around.  
  
"Galadriel." muttered Celeborn,looking frightened.  
  
"What did you say?" Saruman glared at Celeborn suspiciously.  
  
"Nice ass?" tried Celeborn.  
  
"You said..GALADRIEL!" said Saruman,looking horrified.  
  
"Yes.I did." confessed Celeborn.  
  
"No!I mean..Galadriel." Saruman gestured to the figure standing about 20 feet behind Celeborn.  
  
~_~_~_~  
  
Legolas settled comfortably on the couch,his eyes half-closed.Finally.He could get some rest.The annoying hobbits were out of the house,not to mention Elrond.  
  
Legolas suddenly heard footsteps.He opened his eyes all the way and discovered Aragorn,trying to tiptoe into the livingroom.Well,if it could be called tiptoeing.He was wearing steel toed boots.Legolas smiled to himself.Stupid Ranger.  
  
"Hi Legolas." said Aragorn,staring at Legolas.  
  
"Um..Hi.Anything I can help you with?" asked Legolas,uneasily.  
  
Oh yeah,thought Aragorn.  
  
"Aragorn,are you okay?" asked Legolas,bringing him back to middle-earth."You're drooling."  
  
"Sorry." said Aragorn,dragging a hand across his face. "I couldn't help noticing that you..uh..look really hot in those leggings."  
  
"Wha?" said Legolas,taken aback.  
  
Aragorn sat at the other end of the couch.He began to rub Legolas's feet."Really,Really hot."   
  
Legolas giggled like a school girl."Stop it!"  
  
Aragorn pounced on him,tickling him unmercifully.Soon Legolas was barely able to breathe for laughing so hard.Aragorn paused and kissed him.Things were just starting to get good when the phone rang.  
  
Aragorn,startled,leaned back and fell off of the couch.Legolas fell on top of him.  
  
"OWWW!UGH!" moaned Aragorn,clutching his manhood.  
  
"Sorry."replied Legolas,trying not to kneel on it any more.He answered the phone.  
  
"Hello,this is the police department.We have two of your roommates down here.Apparently the hobbit tried to kill the elf with a magic 8 ball he found in a garbage can after the other confessed to eating his cheese nips.Then the two were caught in the crossfire of a fight between a wizard,a drag queen,and an elf with a bad dye job." 


	15. MiddleEarth Mart Misadventures

The Fellowship House  
  
Fellowship House  
  
Chapter 15  
  
by Resisting Arrest  
  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God and the reviewers  
  
----------  
  
Fellowship House  
  
Chapter 1  
  
by Resisting Arrest  
  
summary-the Fellowship decides to buy a (really big) house and live together,but they discover it isn't all it's cracked up to be.  
  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
credits:thanks to God.  
  
  
  
Celeborn looked around the filthy jail cell.Saruman was sitting on the lumpy cot with his head in his hands.In the cell across from theirs,Galadriel fumed silently.Pippin and Elrond moped in the one next to theirs,refusing to apologize to each other.  
  
Celeborn sighed and looked at the policeman walking toward his cell.  
  
"Hello." said Celeborn,in a high voice,looking over the cop.  
  
"Um..Hi." said the young man.  
  
"I couldn_t help noticing...you have quite a set of buns on you." said Celeborn,fluttering his eyelashes and giggling.  
  
The cop_s face blushed scarlet."Thank you,Ma_am."  
  
"Mind if I..try them on for size?" asked Celeborn,making a claw with his perfectly manicured hand.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Aragorn walked the aisles of the local Middle-Earth Mart.His eyes scanned the shelves,looking for something.  
  
He sighed in frustration. "Where do they keep thoses cups?" he muttered to himself,annoyed.  
  
He stood there pondering for a few more moments until he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Aragorn!Imagine seeing you here!" said a female voice.  
  
Aragorn spun around. "Eowyn."  
  
He stared at her in disbelief.She wore a bright orange vest with a large badge that said "Middle-Earth Mart Employee of the Month".  
  
"Can I help you find something?"  
  
"Uh..um..er..," stammered Aragorn.Should he tell her what he was looking for?He debated quietly.Finally,the memory of the pain of the previous kneeing won over.Legolas has quite the sharp knee,it seems.  
  
"I_m..um..looking for a..." muttered Aragorn.  
  
"A what?" pressed Eowyn,clearly determined to win a second badge.  
  
"A cup." muttered Aragorn incoherently.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"A CUP!!!" bellowed Aragorn,causing several old ladies to look quite scandalized and scuttle away.  
  
"Oh.." said Eowyn,a look of shock on her face.  
  
They stared at each other for an embarassed moment before anyone spoke.  
  
"What size?" asked Eowyn,suddenly businesslike.  
  
Aragorn privately thought that maybe getting knelt on was less painful than this. "Um...I_m not sure."  
  
Eowyn stifled a laugh and said,quite seriously, "I_ll go get a tape measure."  
  
Aragorn_s mouth fell open.Eowyn burst in loud giggles. "Would you like some condoms with that? Maybe some Vaseline?"  
  
Aragorn flushed.  
  
"Aisle 23,left hand side." said Eowyn,sniggering.  
  
Aragorn strode off,trying to maintain a scrap of his dignity.It was futile.  
  
"Pervert." remarked one old hobbit woman to another.  
  
"Indeed." replied the other.  
  
Aragorn found aisle 23 with little trouble.He selected a cup and walked up front to check out.  
  
When it was his turn,he shoved the cup hastily into the clerk_s hands and looked at his feet.The clerk tried to scan it,but it wouldn_t work.He grabbed the microphone beside his cash register.  
  
"We need a price check on a large cup." said the clerk over the intercom.  
  
"Glass or Plastic?" asked an answering voice over the intercom.  
  
"No,Ryan,not that sort of cup.I mean the protective cup.You know,the kind you put on your-"  
  
At this point Aragorn decided it was less painful just to be kneed.He grabbed the microphone away from the clerk.The clerk looked at him and he ran out of the store,extremely embarassed.  
  
"Pervert." said a familiar old voice behind him.  
  
-------------  
  
Endnotes: REVIEW PWEASE!! Heh.Hope you liked! 


	16. HehPervert

The Fellowship House  
Chapter 16  
  
by Resisting Arrest  
a/n: no flames please,r/r.  
disclaimer: I don't own the characters,or anything else that you recognise as J.R.R. Tolkien's.Don't sue me cause I'm making no money off this.  
  
----  
  
"Yes!" exclaimed Saruman,laying down some playing cards on the cold concrete floor of the jail cell.  
  
"What are you so happy about?Where not playing for money.So you can't buy a corset,Mr. Queen." muttered Elrond.He had lost every game so far.  
  
"At least I don't wear a little tiara,Pocohantas." retorted Saruman.  
  
The two were sitting on the floor enjoying a game of Poker with Celeborn.Pippin looked at them.  
  
"Hey..we're in jail.Where'd ya get the cards?" asked Pippin.  
  
Saruman jerked his head over to his staff in the corner.Pippin gaped.  
  
"Where'd you get that?"  
  
"It's collapseable.I hid it in my.."  
  
"Nevermind," interrupted Pippin hastily,"why don't you just magic us out of here!?"   
  
Saruman looked as if it had never occurred to him.  
  
---  
  
Aragorn pulled off his boots,his face still burning red.He had never been so humilated in all his-  
  
"Hello,Ranger." said a voice,waking Aragorn from his embarrassed reverie.  
  
The tall elf leaned casually on the doorframe,a small smirk on his face.Aragorn wondered..nah..he couldn't have found out about his unfortunate experience at the Middle-Earth Mart.  
  
"Hi,Legolas." said Aragorn,trying to sound normal.He limped past Legolas,headed for his room,but a small giggle from behind him.  
  
"What?" he said,exasperated.  
  
"Nothing..nothing.."   
  
Aragorn continued walking.   
  
"Heh..Pervert." More giggles.  
  
Aragorn turned,but the elf had gone.  
  
---  
  
"I can't believe you had the staff the whole time." whined Elrond.  
  
"At least we got out before you two c consented to play strip poker with Saruman." replied an annoyed Galadriel,slapping the back of Celeborn's head.The group had left Saruman behind in jail.He said he had plans with the guard later that night.  
  
Pippin yawned.These people were even more foolish than he was.  
  
---  
  
Endnotes: Short,I know.Please review,no flames. 


	17. Fun with Spray Paint and Duck Tape

Fellowship House  
  
By Resisting Arrest  
  
A/N:It's been a while.Review please,no flames!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own LOTR,movie or book form,or any characters.It is the property of J.R.R. Tolkien and New Line ;).I'm not making any money off of this.  
  
-------------  
  
A week had passed since Pippin,Elrond,and the others were released from jail.Pippin and Elrond punished again.Poor Pippin was instructed to rub Boromir's and Gandalf's feet.The rest of the Fellowship had the option,but they said that the idea of Pippin rubbing their feet was just too creepy.  
  
Elrond was given a severe punishment as well.As Gandalf sat at the kitchen table deciding his fate,Aragorn realized something.  
  
"Hey!You don't even live here! Get the hell out of my house!" Aragorn bellowed.  
  
"Pfft," said Elrond "make him a king and give him a little power,and he thinks he can boss everyone around.I raised you!"  
  
"Aw,get over yourself,you fossil." retorted Aragorn.  
  
"Ahem.Fossil?" Gandalf raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
"Just get out,Elrond." Aragorn rubbed his temples,trying to relieve his headache.  
  
Elrond stalked out mumbling. "I'll show 'em!"  
  
After Elrond left,Aragorn grabbed his cloak. "Gandalf,I gotta get out of this house before I go crazy."  
  
----  
  
"Merry,this is genius!" giggled Pippin.  
  
Frodo pulled a lengthy strip of duck tape off the roll. "So, what do we do after we tape Sam to the bed?"  
  
"Well,we go out into the hall and yell 'FIRE! FIRE!' and run around." Merry whispered,trying not to wake their sleeping victim.  
  
----  
  
Elrond paused.Did he really want to do this? I mean,just because Aragorn treated him like a child did he really want to embarrassed him like this? Elrond snorted.Of course he did.  
  
Elrond was spraypainting.He was spraypainting something lewd on the front of Fellowship house,to be more specific.To be even more specific,he was spraypainting "Legolas + Aragorn= hot monkey sex" on the front of Fellowship House.  
  
----  
  
Sam woke up abruptly at the shout of "FIRE! FIRE! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!" Panicking,he made to jump out of bed,but he was unable to move.Sam was beyond panic now.   
  
"Help! Help! Mr. Frodo! Pippin! Merry!! Help!" shrieked Sam.  
  
Frodo,Merry,and Pippin stood out in hall giggling uncontrollably. Merry threw in another "FIRE! FIRE!" for good measure.Poor Sam was now sobbing for his Gaffer.  
  
----  
  
Elrond opened the door to Fellowship House. "Geeze,they never even lock their doors.I can hardly be blamed for spraypainting the house then eating all the food in the fridge."  
  
After rummaging briefly in a cabinet,he heard laughing and footsteps coming down the stairs.He looked up and saw the three hobbits.  
  
"What's up,dudes?" asked Elrond,now munching on some lembas he found in the cabinet.  
  
"Oh,nothing." said Pippin innocently grinning.  
  
Suddenly,there was a loud noise in the front hall,like a rhino had just torn the front door off of its hinges. It was Aragorn.  
  
"Who," Aragorn trembled with rage,"wrote that on the house?"  
  
Legolas walked in after Aragorn,apparrently unperturbed by the message on the house. "Hello everyone.." he spotted Elrond. "Are you eating my lembas?!"  
  
----  
  
Endnotes: oh so lame! no flames and thanks for reading! 


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